12 July, 2026. All main British political parties have said they’re not wasting their time in supporting the Reform UK stunt by its leader Nigel Farage to see off ‘the Establishment’ by re-running for his seat at Clacton-on-Sea. But Count Binface is mounting a real challenge.
Mega-rich man of the people, Nigel Farage, the repeatedly absent MP for Clacton, will have some other opponents when he stands again on 13 August. Leading among these is Count Binface, who among other things has promised to build at least one social home in the constituency (saying that this is one more than anybody else), abolish VAR in football, re-route wildly over-budget high speed railway project HS2 through the gardens of railways executives and require the bosses of water companies to take a dip in their own rivers. The Monster Raving Loony Party (‘Vote insanity. You know it makes sense!’) so far appears to be abstaining to avoid splitting the anti-Farage vote, though extreme right-wing specialist in political failure Laurence Fox cannot resist.
All power to Count Binface! Success in Clacton and a seat in the House of Commons could also be a platform for an offer to assist US diplomacy because he already has international recognition: in France, he is Comte Tête-de-poubelle, while in Spain his moniker is El Conde Cubo de Basura. At least this would make it a good joke, rather than the bad one that Trump’s diplomacy already is.